Fawning, Appeasing & People Pleasing Therapy
Learn To Ask For What You Need & Want Without Feeling Guilty
DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?
You’re always seeking approval from others
You’re a people pleaser. You can sense others’ emotions. You’re great at fixing and solving issues.
However, inside you’re tired, irritated, and overwhelmed. You wonder if there’s a way out of this cycle of perfectionism, masks, facades, and productivity.
You want to slow down, listen to your authentic self, and feel more confident.
Welcome. I’m glad you’re here.
What is Fawning?
Fawning is a response or reaction to trauma where you put your needs and wants last, focusing on others. The goal is to seek approval or validation.
Fawning is an adaptive response or a psychological defense which worked previously in life to protect/defend against unbearable feelings and thoughts, but perhaps doesn’t serve you as much anymore right now.
Pete Walker defines fawning as: “Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences and boundaries.”
Common Type Of Fawners
Successful in career and school, though relationships are difficult
Externally focused (e.g. image, body, weight, awards, money)
Emotionally exhausted due to the internal work they do to please others and maintain the peace
Over functioners (constantly working, reading, exercising, distracting from the internal)
Highly anxious and worried about the “What ifs?”
Hyper vigilant (mistrustful, difficulty trusting others, difficultly feeling safe in their body)
Difficulty accepting and receiving love (sabotages or mistrusts people who are open and giving with their love)
Lives in scarcity, rather than abundance (thoughts tend to be negative/pessimistic/catastrophic)
Common Symptoms Of Fawning
Suppressing Emotions
Feeling disconnected from your emotions and feelings, or perhaps even internalize/push them down when you begin feeling anything
Seeks Approval
Fawning reinforces the idea that one's worth is based on others' approval.
When individuals consistently prioritize external validation, their self-esteem becomes dependent on the opinions of others, leading to a fragile sense of self-worth.
Over Protective/Responsibleee
Feeling overly responsible for others’ emotions and want to protect them
Loneliness
Feeling like no one really “gets you” or sees you for who you really are behind the masks you wear and created
Emptiness & Misunderstood
Feeling empty, unwanted, invisible, not important, not good enough (“No one really gets me”)
Low Self Esteem
Lack of a sense of Self (e.g. Self-esteem, Self worth, Self love)
Over-Apologizing
Automatically saying “sorry”
Apologizing when it’s not your fault
Feeling guilty and bad often for no apparent reason
Rigidity & Controlled
Wanting others to see you in a rigid and positive manner (e.g. the good kid, the successful parent, the perfect sibling)
Guilt
Feeling guilty if someone doesn’t like you, is angry at you, or disagrees with you
People-Pleasing
You ignore your needs/wants, boundaries, and values at the expense of others (difficulty saying no and deferring to others)
Poor Boundaries
Codependency (there is no me, there is only a we)
Exhaustion
Constantly prioritizing others' needs and suppressing personal emotions can be mentally and emotionally draining. Fawners may experience heightened stress and anxiety as they try to maintain the facade of pleasing everyone.
Shrinking Yourself
Not taking up space at work, in relationships, in life
Agreeing Excessively
Saying yes even when you don’t agree to maintain the peace and avoid conflict
Therapy For Fawning Can Help You
✔️ Engaging in inner child work and re-parenting
✔️ Being aware of when and how you Fawn
✔️ Prioritizing your own needs and putting yourself first
✔️ Befriending your Fawning part (getting to know it well rather than getting rid of it and pushing it away)
✔️ Understanding you are not responsible for others’ emotions or happiness
✔️ Establishing healthy boundaries
✔️ Learning to say no and slowly becoming comfortable with it
✔️ Being comfortable with conflict
✔️ Being comfortable with feeling angry (
✔️ Understand your Window Of Tolerance and when you are feeling emotionally dsyregulated (triggered)
✔️ Understand your triggers and develop strategies to manage them and anticipate them
✔️ Understand your attachment styles (how you learn to trust others, ask for what you need)
✔️ Recognize unhelpful patterns, dynamics, and who you tend to be attracted to and disrupting this
✔️ Explore how relational conflicts and tensions are a natural part of relationships, and the importance of repairing ruptures/conflicts/tensions as important toward growth and change
Healing Is Possible
There is hope.
I’ve worked with many survivors of childhood trauma who now have more peace, joy, freedom in their lives.
I work with survivors of trauma who are now parents who want to parent healthier children and break the cycle of trauma.
I work with therapists and social workers who are wounded healers.
I work with professionals who feel exhausted, overwhelmed, burnt out, and want to take better care of themselves.
I work with individuals who are dating or in relationships and want to create and sustain healthier and more satisfying relationships.
You can have a life beyond external validation and success. You can say no and feel confident and calm.
You can disagree with someone and not let it ruin your day or week.
You can have more complex, nuanced, and whole relationships where you aren’t the one doing all the work, feeling exhausted.
Reach out today to schedule a consultation.
Healing Is Possible
I am a licensed therapist offering online therapy to clients in Washington State and California. I offer in person therapy for Seattle residents in the Ballard neighborhood.
There is hope.
You can increase your sense of Self (acceptance, worth, esteem, love).
The world is an expansive place and there is enough space for you in it.
You can learn to take up more space, feel more confident, and meet yourself more with compassion and acceptance.
I’ve worked with many survivors of childhood trauma who now have more peace, joy, freedom in their lives.
I work with therapists and social workers who are wounded healers.
I work with professionals who feel exhausted, overwhelmed, burnt out, and want to take better care of themselves.
I work with individuals who are dating or in relationships and want to create and sustain healthier and more satisfying relationships.
Reach out today to schedule a consultation.