Exercises For The Inner Critic After Childhood Trauma
Common Judgements
“I’m so dumb”
“I’m so needy”
“I don’t deserve to rest/take a break/slow down/relax”
“I need to keep doing/producing/cleaning/working/rushing”
“I don’t deserve good things/compliments/reassurance/comfort/rest/relaxation/pleasant things/good people”
“I need to push through”
“I always mess things up“
“I never get things right”
“I should have known better”
“I’m too much for others”
“I”m not good enough”
“I’m not worthy”
“I don’t deserve to be happy”
“I’m so weird”
“I don’t’ fit in/belong”
And more
How Can I Manage My Inner Critic?
Name the inner critic out loud (rather than keeping it inside of your head)
Write the phrases/words the inner critic tells you down on a piece of paper
Practice compassion for Self
Challenge unrealistic beliefs
Accept the imperfect parts of you
Learn to be a human being vs. human doing
Connect to the sensations and feelings related to the inner critic
Practical Skill #1: Externalize Your Thoughts
Say out loud your thoughts inside your head
“I’m having the thought I don’t deserve…”
“My thought is telling me….”
“My inner critic is telling me…”
Notice what happens when you say this out loud versus keeping it inside your head
Practical Skill #2: Flesh Out Your Inner Critic
What does your inner critic look like?
An animal? A person? An object? What are they wearing?
What sort of voice does your inner critic sound like?
Cartoonish?
Stern?
Funny?
Kind?
Practical Skill #3: Understand The Form & Function
How has my inner critic helped me survive?
What would be scary about not criticizing myself and treating myself with compassion?
When did my inner critic begin to criticize me?
Practical Sill #4: Self Compassion
How do I define self compassion?
How does the research define self compassion?
Is there an alignment or misalignment with my definition of self compassion versus the actual definition?
How can I treat myself more with kindness?
How can I treat myself like my own best friend?
What gets in the way of me utilizing self compassion regularly?
Practical Skill #5: Parts Work
We are a mixture of parts, dimensions, and sides
We are like a prism
Look up IFS Guide
Practical Skill #6: Have A Conversation With Your Critic
Dialogue with your inner critic
Develop a relationship with them. Introduce yourself to them and vice versa
Ask them questions to get to know them better
Practical Skill #7: Work With Fear & Discomfort
Remind yourself you are physically safer now in the present moment
Remind yourself you made it through your childhood
Remind yourself you are alive now
Remind yourself you are going through different difficult things now, but you are not a little kid/child
Learn to tolerate your bodily/somatic discomfort slowly and gradually
Learn self regulation skills to tolerate fear and discomfort
Self Compassion For Inner Critic
May I forgive myself
May my life unfold with ease
May I be as healthy as possible
May I feel joy
May I learn to forgive myself
This is a moment of suffering for me.
It’s really hard for me to be kind to myself and I do want to learn
Questions To Ask Yourself
Who would I be without this thought/belief/story?
What do I get from having this thought?
How do I feel when I tell myself this thought/belief/story?
Questions To Ask Your Inner Critic
How are you trying to protect me?
When did you learn this job or role?
What happened during this time/age/period where you had to criticize me to get your needs met?
What would be so scary about not criticizing me?
What would be so scary about practicing kindness toward me?
What are you afraid or worried would happen if you were softer toward me?
If I could offer you another option where you didn’t always have to criticize me 100% of the time to get your needs met, would you be open to that?
Can you share more with me?
Is there anything else you want me to know about what you’ve been dealing with?
Read My Other Blog Posts on Trauma