The Impact of Alcohol & Other Drugs On Parentification

Chaos & Inconsistency

• Living with an alcoholic parent can be unpredictable and chaotic. Alcoholism often leads to behaviors that are inconsistent, such as mood swings, neglect, or even abuse. In this kind of environment, children may feel the need to step up and take charge to maintain some stability in their lives. Here are some ways in which growing up with an alcoholic parent can cause parentification:

Emotional Support

• When someone has problematic substance use or addiction, this impacts their ability to be emotionally and oftentimes physically available to take care of themselves and others. 

• Children need love, security, and connection from their parents in order to thrive. 

• In response, children may 

Emotional Chaos

• When someone has problematic substance or addiction, they oftentimes are attempting to numb something inside of them through a substance. 

• Perhaps your parents used you as an emotional punching bag.

• This can include

  • Yelling or screaming at you

  • Blaming you for things that are not your fault 

  • Laughing at or mocking you

  • Bullying or intimidating you

• Consequently, you have a tumultuous relationship with emotions. Perhaps you learned to become a people pleaser to avoid conflict. Or maybe you now equate silence with anger. Many survivors often believe it’s their fault if someone is upset, when it reality the other person’s anger does not belong to them.

Household Responsibilities & Division of Labor

• A well-functioning household requires adults to manage household chores, such as cooking, cleaning, and taking care of younger siblings. 

• When an alcoholic parent is unable to fulfill these responsibilities consistently, children may feel compelled to take on these tasks to ensure the basic needs of the family are met.

Financial Stressors

• Alcoholism can create financial strains on a family due to the costs associated with addiction, such as buying alcohol or medical expenses. Children may witness their parents struggling to make ends meet, and in some cases, they may even take on part-time jobs to contribute to the family income.

Avoidance

• Home was supposed to be a safe and calm place, but was not. Home was dangerous, inconsistent, scary, etc.

• You oftentimes made excuses to stay at school to avoid going home directly after school. Perhaps you stayed at your friend’s house or joined lots of clubs.

Parental Role Reversal

• Children may find themselves as the responsible adult now and their parents/caregivers are the children requiring attention, care, and assistance. 

• For example, these children may take care of their parents after using substances, monitoring their parents’ substance use, or take care of their siblings.